i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He has the fingertips of a God
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