I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Randomize
