My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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