I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
