The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
