I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
