He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she told me i tasted like america
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
