A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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