i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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