Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
