is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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