watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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