She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
