somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
