You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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