My room smells like vodka and shame
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
