Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
