I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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