Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize