dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
