i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
