Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
