I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
