I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
