Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
