did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish I only lived at night.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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