look no pants
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
