OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They have beer where we have blood.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
