Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
