i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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