i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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