She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
