Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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