I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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