I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I didn't notice because vodka
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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