Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
