You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
