i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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