His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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