A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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