You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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