Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
