all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
