You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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