Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
