it glows. i had to have it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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