I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize