I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
