she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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