I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
