my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
