the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
