He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
