That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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