Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
