You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
