The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
