new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize