My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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