Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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