Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
