apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
