If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize