she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
