you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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