Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
