Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
