I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
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