were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
