I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
