After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
