I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
