I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
