I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
