haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
