I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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