You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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