im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
