If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
