my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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