3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
