btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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