u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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