My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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