Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do vagina's smell?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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