woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
