so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
