I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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