I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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