Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
