Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
