i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize