It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
