I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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