i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
