Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we're making bets on your personal life
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
