I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
