3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
