You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
