he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
