like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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